Dear Erotic Neurotic, For the past year or so, in exchange for things like mowing the lawn and hosing down the driveway, I've been supplying my neighbor's kids (ages 13 and 15) with marijuana. Last week, while high, one of the kids, "Isaac," knocked over an extremely valuable vase in my living room onto the floor, shattering it all to pieces. Since I suppose I'm partially responsible, is it ethical for me to expect some kind of financial compensation from his parents? Also, last time I was at this neighbor's house, I accidentally left a provocative photo of myself in the guest bathroom. How should I best handle this situation?
Sincerely, Telling On Issac Leaves Everyone Ticked
Dear Toilet,
Well, you're in a dilly of a pickle, aren't you? I've thought long and hard about this one, and I'm sorry but, vase or no vase, you have to move. Do you rent or own? I know it's a tough housing market, and you did just lose a valuable asset, and you may have to find a new hookup, but this could ruin your life. What's the matter with you, anyway, you fucking stoner, giving pot to preteens? I might not know much, but I know this, preteens have all the good weed already.
And, Toilet? Next time, if you really want to start trouble, don't leave your nudie pics in the guest bathroom, leave them in your handsome neighbor's wallet.
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